trying to dig myself out 

I’ve been on a slump lately,and not just cause I’ve been sick. So. I’m taking steps against it.

I went for a run on sunday. It has been a while. last time was sometime in early december, so it wasn’t my best. had to stop often. had forgotten my usual warm up and cool down routines. I did what I remembered and did a yoga video when I got back.

still, it was good to run. I went alongside the river, it was early so it wasn’t too full, the sun felt nice, it felt better to run there than to go into the woods as had been my first thought.

I don’t know, sometimes it’s pleasant to be around people even if you’re not being social. no pressure, you’re not talking or participating, it’s sort of passive I guess. I don’t think I’m making any sense.

I have been actively working to feel better. I’ve been meditating, practising mindfulness, and beginning to exercise again.

I’m also looking at mental health professionals and wondering who should I visit. (how do you choose one?)

I keep thinking I need a change. In my life. Things aren’t really working out here.

I’ve been trying to keep busy,which also helps, but I need something a little more permanent.

I’ve been working with my dad, which is a bit boring but at least it’s something to do plus dad is pretty disorganised so he could use the help. mostly it’s mean a lot of bank visits, and other small errands like least I did get a lot done this week. that’s good. makes me feel less than useless.

I had to buy new underwear cause my dear mum threw mine out. They were kids’ boxer and did not meet her standards. If I had a list of ‘reasons I should move out’ that sort of thing would be on top.

I do have an opportunity  but it is quite a big change and I’m honestly not sure I’m ready for it. But I keep thinking it might be a good idea. I’m terrified but it could also be really exciting.

I keep having this feeling, this thought going around my head that I’m wasting my time, that I should be doing something but I don’t know what.

I did finish a video this week which was great cause it’s good to have something to occupy my time and mind, and it’s good to feel like I’ve done something productive.

I started sending out resumes again. I sent one to this really interesting company working on helping people be more informed when it comes to politics and the state of the country. would’ve been great. sadly,they wanted someone with more experience.

I did get asked for an interview but couldn’t go. read it late at night and it was for the next day in another city.

I’ve gotten a few like that which do make me thing I should move. I’ve been thinking about it a lot.

I’d have more employment opportunities, my insurance has a big mental health center and I could take some classes on film production.

the bad part is I’ve never lived away from home and I’m scared, it’s a really big city, and very polluted. makes me worried for my health. and my safety.

I’d have to invest in a really good anti-pollution mask, for one.

and I’m pretty much guaranteed to get at least some anxiety attacks. fun prospect.

but I can’t shake this feeling that I’m not living up to my potential.

I’m not kidding myself that moving would fix all my problems, it’d just create new ones, but it would shake me off my comfort zone and present new challenges.

I’d have new landscapes to shoot and places to explore

I can always go hide in the library. I visited last time, it was so wonderful I wanted to stay there forever.

I just know I need to do something. Change the status quo or I’ll go mad.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s