RIP Chester Bennington 

I was a big fan of Linkin Park in the early 00’s. I had just become a teenager and was fighting a storm of teenage angst 24/7 and here they came, offering understanding through their angry, raw music. 

In the late 90’s I’d been a backstreet boys fan. Or I thought I was. I’ve been thinking about it and I don’t know if I actually liked them or if it was just the thing to do. Because unlike other music I used to listen to, I don’t have much of an emotional connection to them. There’s a nostalgia involved in the very intense fandom shared with other girls at the time, which I did enjoy, but I don’t think I ever liked them for themselves or the music or whatever. I liked spice girls and s club 7 but those weren’t as cool. Which is weird, you’d think spice girls and their mesaage would’ve been more popular but… idk. 

It’s not that they weren’t known or that people didn’t like them. But there was almost a cult-like devotion to BSB. 

Like a year ago, they came to chile for a concert. A bunch of school friends went. I declined. I had no interest in going. In the last 15 years or so I’ve barely listened to their music and when I do it’s like.. Oh yeah I know this song. I can remember music videos. I can remember playing with friends. But that doesnt mean I enjoy the songs. Or seek them out. While I still enjoy some spice girls song. And have some s club 7 in my work out mix. 

I also haven’t listened to Linkin Park in a while. And listening to them I do remember the angsty mess I was back then. 

Listening to angry,angsty music, going from linkin park to dashboard confessional and similar. It was a complicated time. 

Becoming a teenager was so very complicated. Everything started changing so fast and I hardly had time to figure anything out and I felt like such an outsider. Things were bad for a while. 

My music tastes have evolved since then, my angsty, emotional music of choice being florence + the machine now for example, but I can still appreciate what came before. What got me through some awful times and made me feel like someone, somewhere understood what I was feeling in a time where I sure as hell didn’t. 

As I write this I have Linkin Park on shuffle on Spotify, and “My December” just came on. I hadn’t listened to this song in over a decade. It’s not one that plays on the radio. And I didn’t quite remember which song it was but the opening chords where so familiar that they gave me intense flashbacks, as if a movie of my life started playing. 

the call of the sea

I live about 15km from the coast, but I don’t go anywhere near as often as I’d like. mainly cause the road is terrible, there’s traffic jams and I can’t ride my bike ,there’s no space.

But on Wesdnesday, I did go.it was fairly empty and was pretty wonderful. neither the road nor the beach were crowded, it was warm but not hot, although a bit too cold to really jump in, I just played with the waves a bit.

Why do humans like to go to the sea? What is it that calls us? I don’t know but I do know how much I enjoy. I am a pisces. and when I’m there I wonder if I might be a daughter of Poseidon.

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